


the aftertaste of you

by aalphard



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Falling In Love, Hurt Sugawara Koushi, M/M, Sad Sugawara Koushi, Sugawara Koushi-centric, rated m for implicit sexual content just to b safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:41:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24428158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aalphard/pseuds/aalphard
Summary: Koushi found out on that snowy day that Daichi tasted like caramel macchiato, all of him. He tasted like coffee early in the morning and caramel late at night – he was warmth and comfort and he could lose himself in his arms, feeling his heartbeat, feeling his fingers stroking his hair, drawing circles on his back, feelinghim,all the way inside of him, all the way around him andfuck, it felt amazing.or sugawara koushi still remembers how bittersweet his lips tasted.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 18
Kudos: 58





	the aftertaste of you

**Author's Note:**

> i'm feeling bittersweet now so that was just an excuse to write stuff and kind of take these feelings out of my chest and such, so i hope you like it!

_Because who cries over coffee and why would you cry from drinking coffee?_ _  
You ask yourself  
left with two answers:  
You’d cry because it’s bad,  
or you’d cry because you once had something so good.  
Almost_ _._

_(…)_

_But before you lose your mind thinking about_ _  
The aftertaste,  
your breath,  
your heart,  
the whistle,  
the bittersweet,  
the bitter,  
the sweet,  
the aftertaste, the bitter,  
the…_

_(…)_

_You’re ready to take in another sip of your coffee_ _  
not minding the aftertaste of that same unrequited love._

_([poem by JK Casilda on hellopoetry](https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2889170/the-aftertaste-of-you/))_

* * *

When their eyes met for the first time, there was a spark.

He didn’t know why he was there – he just went along with Tooru and Hajime, even though he knew they’d leave him alone to do their thing where Koushi couldn’t see them. It was typical, he was used to it – he loved his friends, really, and he loved the fact that he was the one to bring them together like that. They loved each other and they loved Koushi. That was enough for him. But they insisted so much – he ended up going anyway.

The music was loud and there were people laughing behind him – it smelled like a mix of cheap perfume and spilled alcohol. Koushi didn’t think he’d meet his soulmate there or anything like that – but they insisted, saying it would be fun, saying he needed someone to _give it to him_ so that he felt less… what? He didn’t remember the exact words, but it had something to do with his overcautious personality. Or something like that.

It had been a long time since he went out with someone.

When their eyes met for the first time, there was a spark. He was sat on the both across from his and he was sipping from his cup, looking around as if he was uninterested in what was going on around him. And, slowly, his eyes made their way towards him.

When their eyes met for the first time, there was a spark and Koushi felt like his lungs were about to explode. He smirked at him and Koushi could only manage to smile back a few seconds later, wild thoughts running through his head. He got up and walked up to him, standing only a few inches away, looking down at him with his lips still tugged up in the most attractive smirk Koushi had ever seen.

_Why are you alone,_ he had asked. _My friends dragged me here_ , Koushi answered, smiling down at his drink. _And I assume they left to play around in the bathroom stalls?_ , he chuckled and Koushi had sworn it was the most _arousing_ sound he had ever heard before.

_Can I make you company?_ , he had asked. _Why are_ you _alone?_ , Koushi asked back. His eyebrows shot up and he bit his lips – and Koushi thought he should be _illegal_. _My friends thought it would be fun, they said I needed someone to relieve my stress, if you know what I mean_ , he answered. Koushi couldn’t help the blush on his cheeks. _So we’re here for the same reason,_ he said, and the other man chuckled again. Koushi allowed himself to smile.

They talked about anything and everything. _How old are you? Are you in college or did you start working right after graduating? Do you have any siblings? Do you get along well with your family? What’s your sexual orientation? Oh, me too! Look at that, it must be fate… How do you like your eggs in the morning? What’s your favorite color? Top or bottom? Look at that, we’re so compatible. Isn’t it funny? What’s your favorite food? Do you like sports? Oh, really?! I played too!_

It was fun.

_Oh, look, my friends are coming back. Right, give me your number. I’m not trying to be a creep, I swear. I’ll text you sometime and we can go out for coffee and talk a bit more, yeah? It was fun. See you some other time, Koushi._

He shivered because his name on his lips sounded _right_.

It didn’t take long before Daichi texted him, asking if Tuesday was okay and if he’d like to meet at that fancy coffee shop by the bookstore. He agreed. And so, the first time they went out, Koushi was so nervous he had to put his hands in his pockets so they’d stop shaking – and he knew it wasn’t because of the cold breeze that came with the snow. Daichi was wearing a leather jacket and ripped jeans, his lips slightly chapped when they broke into a smile. He bought him a latte with sprinkled cinnamon and a shot of vanilla – Koushi smiled to himself because _he remembered_. He got a caramel macchiato for himself and Koushi giggled. It didn’t match him _at all_. They talked and talked – asking questions they didn’t really want to know the answer to. _Have you ever been in a relationship? What’s your major? What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? What’s your favorite animal?_

They kept meeting up like that for a week or so – until one day, Daichi sent him a text in the middle of the night asking if he’d like him to come over. He knew what he meant and he knew what he wanted to do. Koushi wanted it too.

It was snowing outside when Daichi arrived – and it was snowing when they kissed for the first time, hungry and desperate, ripping their clothes off and throwing them somewhere, they didn’t care. Daichi’s fingertips were rough, sliding across every inch of Koushi’s body, gripping him tight, moving him around – and he was at his mercy, loving every second of it. His lips were glued to a certain spot on his neck and he _howled_ , gripping his shoulders just to keep him there because _fuck_ , he didn’t know his neck could make him feel that tingly and it felt so weird but also _so, so good_ and he wanted _more_ , wanted him _closer and closer until they were one_.

Koushi found out on that snowy day that Daichi tasted like caramel macchiato, all of him. He tasted like coffee early in the morning and caramel late at night – he was warmth and comfort and he could lose himself in his arms, feeling his heartbeat, feeling his fingers stroking his hair, drawing circles on his back, feeling _him_ , all the way inside of him, all the way around him and _fuck, it felt amazing._

They kissed when morning came and Daichi said he’d text him later, after he got to work.

It was snowing when they kissed for the first time and when they had sex for the first time. It was raining when Daichi came over with flowers and a cup of coffee from the fancy coffee shop by the bookstore, a smug smile on his face – because he came over to ask something and he already knew Koushi would say yes.

It was snowing when he moved in, months later, only bringing a suitcase with him because he shared a flat with a friend from college and he didn’t really have much, he’d said. Koushi was thrilled, finally having someone to share his bed, to wake up to.

_You’re getting along pretty well, aren’t you?_ , Tooru had asked one day. _I feel like he’s stealing you away from us_ , Hajime chuckled and Koushi blushed, because he had. Daichi had stolen him, swept him off his feet and hanged him up, up, up, until his feet no longer touched the ground. He was floating and it felt amazing.

But somewhere along the line. They went wrong.

Koushi didn’t know where, didn’t know why – but all of a sudden, he didn’t like being embraced the way Daichi embraced him, didn’t like his eggs the same way in the mornings and didn’t know what was going on. Daichi stopped bringing him flowers every weekend, stopped bringing him coffee from the fancy coffee shop by the bookstore and they didn’t go out on dates anymore.

They stayed in and watched crappy movies while eating popcorn, Koushi on the couch with the fluffy cushions and Daichi sat on the ground, resting his head on his elbows, crouched on top of the coffee table.

They didn’t kiss that much anymore – tiny pecks whenever one of them left the house and when they came back. They didn’t touch each other all that much – they didn’t take baths together anymore because it didn’t feel like something they should do – and they didn’t have sex. It was too much trouble, perhaps. And Koushi would be lying if he said he didn’t miss the rough touch, the callused fingertips running across his skin, pinching it sometimes, bringing him closer and closer until he forgot his own name.

He missed it.

Sometimes he missed it so much it hurt.

_Do you ever think I’m not that attractive?_ , he asked him once. Daichi chuckled, shaking his head and holding him tightly against his chest, peppering his face and neck with tiny kisses. _You are the most ethereal thing I have ever laid my eyes on, Sugawara Koushi_ , he had said, and Koushi felt something warm pooling in his stomach. They kissed – _really kissed_ – for the first time in what felt like months, and Koushi allowed himself to melt under his touch, tasting him over and over again until he was pinned down at their bed, panting and seeing Daichi’s face on top of him, smiling down sweetly at him and whispering sweet words. It was all too much – and Koushi cried when Daichi stepped out of the room to get him something to drink. _You must be exhausted_ , he had said.

Daichi’s taste had changed – subtly, but it changed. Koushi cried, and when Daichi got back to the room, he was a _mess_ , running around and asking _so many times_ , over and over again – _Are you hurt? Did I do something wrong? Koushi, please, look at me, I’m so sorry, I–_

It was also a snowy day when they decided it would be best for them to part ways.

It wasn’t sudden.

It wasn’t unexpected.

Koushi had told Tooru he was feeling weird about them. Koushi had called him lots of times during the night, sneaking out of the bedroom and talking to him through whispers, cautious as to not wake him up. _You can come and stay with us for a few days to clear your head_ , he had said, but Koushi didn’t want that. He loved Daichi too much – even more than he loved himself, maybe, but it felt wrong. Somewhere along the way, it started to feel wrong, like he was expecting more than he was worth, like Daichi had been lying to him all along and it _hurt_. He wanted out but he also wanted to be embraced by him every night and hear him whispering sweet nothings in his ears, hear his soft moans and loud grunts whenever they were lost in each other _over and over and over again_.

It was all so confusing.

When they sat down to talk, Daichi had his fluffy yellow jumper on. He still had bed hair and his eyes were still puffy – but Koushi felt like it was the right time. _I think this isn’t working out_. _I love you, but this whole thing just feels…_

_Wrong?_ , Daichi had asked with a soft smile, caressing his cheek with his thumb. His touch was warm and soft and Koushi allowed himself to close his eyes for a second. _It is, isn’t it? Kind of wrong. We met at the wrong time, perhaps._

Koushi feels the tears pooling up in his eyes. _We were a good match_ , he says through his tears – and a sob breaks out. _If only we’d met at a different point in our lives, right?_

Daichi got up. He walked away, still swaying a bit from the sleepiness and Koushi thought that maybe he should’ve done this at night, _maybe if I had a glass of wine first, it wouldn’t be hurting this much_ , he thought. He heard Daichi groaning in the bedroom and he felt his heart being crushed over and over again. His hands were shaking and his head hurt, his chest hurt and everything seemed unreal because there were so many tears, and they pooled up in his eyes and they were streaming down his cheeks and _fuck, why does it hurt so bad_ , he thought, because he didn’t want to let go – he didn’t, but he felt like he needed to. They weren’t bound to be together, he realized during one of his late night calls with Tooru, because they were _too_ compatible, perhaps, or maybe because they were trying to mimic the other, trying to be the perfect version of themselves when, in fact, they just wanted to be around each other and feel good without needing to stick to a perfect version of themselves.

He realized, then, that it was never as real as he wanted it to be. They seemed to be playing a part, fully aware that _that wasn’t what they wanted at all_ – and yet they were still there, still holding on. Holding on to something that wouldn’t ever change – and that’s why it felt wrong all the time.

It was nice.

It was horrible.

It was so conflicting Koushi thought he was going to die. He wondered if Daichi ever felt like that. He wondered if it bothered Daichi as much as it bothered him. He wondered if Daichi ever pulled all-nighters thinking about that – if he worried as much as he did, if he ever thought about breaking things off or if he was waiting for Koushi to do it himself. They were both cowards, Koushi realized, and none of them wanted to break each other’s hearts.

He still loved Daichi – there was no doubt about that. But it had become unbearable and he felt like he was drowning. It was suffocating.

It was snowing when Daichi came out of the bedroom, suitcase resting at his feet. He was wearing his leather jacket and ripped jeans – and Koushi felt something tugging his heart so hard he felt like dying. _You are so unfair_ , he said, and Daichi chuckled, holding back his own tears. _I’m sorry, I didn’t want it to end like this, I didn’t want it to end at all._

Daichi smiled sweetly at him, shaking his head. _You were incredible. I love you._ Koushi sobbed, falling to his knees, hiding his face in his hands because _christ, Daichi, you are so unfair._ And they were laughing through their tears, giggling as if they weren’t breaking up at that very moment. It felt nice, being able to laugh alongside him, being able to see his smile before they parted ways.

It hurt.

He looked up at him through his tears. His hair was messy and he was _beautiful_ and he’d miss him so much he felt like a weight had been added to his shoulders. _I’m sorry_ , Daichi said, but Koushi couldn’t answer him, not when there was a knot in his throat and he couldn’t breathe properly. _I’m sorry, I feel like I’ve done something horribly wrong_ , he had continued, and Koushi wanted to _scream_ , because he had done something wrong as well – they were both horrible, they were both _wrong_ and Daichi was standing there thinking he had been the reason for their breakup when, in fact, Koushi couldn’t deal with it anymore.

_It wasn’t you_ , he sobbed, _and it wasn’t me. Both of us fucked up, Daichi, both of us are in the wrong and I hate it_ , he cried and cried and Daichi cried, too. Daichi, who never showed any kind of weakness, who never cried while watching crappy rom-com TV shows. He _cried_ , walking up to Koushi and wrapping him in his arms.

It was snowing when they embraced each other and cried their hearts out, apologizing to each other, saying sweet words and stroking each other’s hair. They loved each other so bad they started to destroy themselves – that’s how it went. And that’s why they needed to leave, that’s why they needed to start over somewhere else, with someone else, and that _hurt._

It was snowing when Daichi returned the key to Koushi’s apartment, eyes puffy and red.

It was snowing when he stood on the doorstep, looking around as if he would never go there ever again – they both knew it was true. They wouldn’t see each other again. Probably.

Koushi wanted to taste him again. Koushi wanted to feel his hands on his hair, on his hands, on his body, everywhere he could reach, tasting him as well, immersing themselves in each other if only for the last time.

But.

_Can you kiss me one last time?_ , he had asked. Daichi shot him that smile, that sweet, _sweet_ smile, and swiped his thumb across his cheek, wiping away his tears. He closed his eyes for a second, shaking his head and leaning in, close, close, _so close_.

_Ah_.

When their eyes met for the last time, he felt himself combust. All there was left was that bittersweet aftertaste that would haunt him until the day he died – _bittersweet cinnamon, bittersweet caramel._ He could never forget it.

When their eyes met for the first time, there was a spark. When their eyes met for the last time, something snapped. It would never be the same. All there was left was the reminder that there once was something so, _so good._ A bittersweet reminder. A bittersweet aftertaste.

Now, Koushi took his coffee black. No cinnamon, no caramel, no sugar. He was trying to forget. But then _why_ was it that he was always tasting _him_ at the back of his throat, remembering him late at night and early in the morning, needing him that much when he wouldn’t ever be back? Now, he liked his coffee bitter – just like the aftertaste Daichi left behind. And sometimes, he wondered what he had tasted like when they kissed for the last time. Sometimes, he wondered just what kind of aftertaste he left on him, if he thought about it like Koushi did. Because sometimes, things didn’t work out. Sometimes, the aftertaste was all you had.


End file.
